I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
