my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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