so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize