I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
