How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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