So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
