Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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