my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
