she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
