so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
