i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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