life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
