I am puke
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My Sexting was not on an AP level
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
