Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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