my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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