thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
