Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
