I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
