I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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