I heard we made out
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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