i just wanna soil my oats bro
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
