Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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