i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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