I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
