you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
