I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will be naked everywhere
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
