I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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