it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
