I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
dude. I can hear the air.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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