It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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