Your mouth is God's brothel.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
