Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
