so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
