he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
