but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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