if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I should be sponsored by Trojan
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
