When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
