Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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