At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
