..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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