was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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