the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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