The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
