I think I won the penis lottery.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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