We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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