This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
