the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
