I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
