Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
