I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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