i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
