It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
