You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
