I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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