I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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