If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
