he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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