did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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