Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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