Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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