Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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