i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
