I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
