just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
