Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
