i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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