WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
