Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
