well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
