Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
