dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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